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Here are some of the responses from yesterdays post on Facebook!
Several at one time and may the best one win!
When I tried to focus my efforts on one, it didnt work because people are stupid..lol.. now I focus on building a roster. At least early on. Then people will fade out daily, weekly, monthly. But I guess it all depends on what the guy im dealing with is talking about. If he's willing to focus on me, then i'll do the same.
I date several. I think being single now (after being in a relationship for so long) gives me the opportunity to either find exactly what I am looking for or find out what I am not looking for. If it gets to the point where he and I want to date each other "exclusively" then I might have found what I'm looking for.
Lol.. I feel funny answering this. But if there are more than one, yes because we are just talking and getting to know one another. If I decide to date one of them exclusively, then I will date one exclusively. But if you are just in the talking phase, I kinda expect her to be talking to others as well.
I date several men with an understanding. As long as all parties are aware of the situation and everyone knows their place, I don't see anything wrong with it. Dating does not mean sex. If in fact I feel that I would like to get to know one man on a higher level, it is at that point and time I would cease to date the others.
The sooner people understand that dating is just the collection of data, NOT SEX, the better off everyone will be.
The sooner people understand that dating is just the collection of data, NOT SEX, the better off everyone will be.
It is not that it is hard to answer. It is just that I have met some women who don't understand the difference between talking, dating and actually in a relationship. If I am just talking, anything is fair game because I know she probably is "talking" to someone else. Dating is when I am exclusively trying to get to know her on a more intimate and deeper level.
It appears the definition of courtship has changed so much and the lines are so blurred that we all have different definitions or courtship, dating, mingling, talking, entertaining, etc. This is a major part of the issue. Maybe we should go back to arranged marriages...
I think it depends on where one is at in their life and the type of person they are. Some people may be st the point in their life where they may not be ready for a relationship and will just date numerous people. Also, there are some people who are just not cut out to date mote than one person at a time, and just focus on one person. But I think that once anyone comes across that special person, they will definitely focus on that relationship. We also need to differentiate what kind of dating you are talking about. Dating with sex, or just having fun and going out. There's a big difference.
Being honest and forthcoming with one another about expectations would eliminate all misconceptions and possible hurt feelings.
so maybe the key is comning up with a different word for people who are dating to find a life partner as opposed to people who are dating for sex, companionship, free food, etc. that could end a lot of the miscommunication and major issues and mistrust that result.
I must say, I have tried both methods. Its hard balancing everything when you are trying to get to know someone. But I would say to casually date a few men, not too many at one time. Maybe 2 or 3. Then if you can't really see a connection intellectually with them, then keep it moving. The dating scene is kinda sketchy at first because its shaky ground for meeting new people and what people think the actual definition of dating and friendship is. That's why you have to put that defintion, mission statement and purpose on the table.
When you are dating one person, its a lil more serious. But at our ages, we are more so looking for something more long term, then temporary. So dating one guy maybe cool to get to know his mental. That way no problems may occur with you forgetting other important conversations y'all may have and you can focus a lil clearer, then having the cloudy mind when you date multiple people.
I'm single too. It's actually driving me crazy with my crazy schedule and wanting to find a quality woman now adays. I ask myself this question a lot. I'm doing more soul searching, praying and talking to married and damn near married couples to find the errors in my ways
When you are dating one person, its a lil more serious. But at our ages, we are more so looking for something more long term, then temporary. So dating one guy maybe cool to get to know his mental. That way no problems may occur with you forgetting other important conversations y'all may have and you can focus a lil clearer, then having the cloudy mind when you date multiple people.
I'm single too. It's actually driving me crazy with my crazy schedule and wanting to find a quality woman now adays. I ask myself this question a lot. I'm doing more soul searching, praying and talking to married and damn near married couples to find the errors in my ways
I personally don't include sex with dating, but there are other people that do, so this is where communication is key. There is nothing wrong with promiscuously dating without the sex. Only my opinion.
Personally, I've done both. There is a difference between friends with benefits and dating. I find it a whole lot less dramatic and stress free to date one person at a time. Not to say that you can talk to others but dating for me is to see if there is compatability for a relationship. I do not take someone out in a romantic setting unless I am looking for something meaningful. Friends can always get up for drinks and dinner but it takes time to get to know someone. I prefer to focus on one woman at a time. Can't do a lot of drama/b.s.
It appears communication and honesty is the key. You have to let people know what you are looking for and what your intentions are and be ok with moving on. I prefer not to "put all my eggs in one basket" at this stage of my life, but instead have chosen to date people who interest me. I make sure not to waste anyones time (it is precious) but I do intend to commit to one person when that spark and compatibility presents itself and the timing feels right.
communication is key. Unfulfilled expectations lead to disappointment. Sometimes you can be very clear about yo...ur intentions, but not communicating and updating your friend status, can cause someone to change their feelings. I'm sure everyone has had someone who you were just hanging out with, and they knew it, but "caught feelings" anyway. We are humans, we can't control our emotions. But we are responsible for our actions. At the end of the day, just like anything else you have wanted in your life, you have to be focused and pursue it. Pray on it, and wait for it. If your end goal is a relationship, you will never be able to truly know any of the guys because they all will serve different purposes in your life. One may be a little nicer, one a little smarter, one a little sexier, etc. You will find yourself comparing them, and ultimately deciding on one, based on the other two or three, as opposed to finding someone based solely on your personal interaction. Also, each of them may feel neglected. After all, there are only 24 hours in a day. That may cause them, and you to never truly connect. Keep in mind, the male to female ratio is crazy. The good male to female ratio is even crazier. It's like a jungle out here. If you are dating 3, they each are dating 6 - 9. If you are keeping him at arms length, it is likely there is someone else working harder to get him. Just like a job, if you treat your interview like oh well, I have options, someone else will get that job.
Nice. Never heard it put quite that way. But why I gotta be crazy? I want to make sure I'm not giving anyone the wrong impression though. I don't just date several guys for several months with no intentions of being with any. It's jus...t that when I go out with one a few times, If I don't feel anything, I don't know why I should focus my efforts on only them. I don't know that I compare one to the other. I am always looking for compatibility with me. And I'm not into games so there is never any drama.
Learn your true strength as a woman, and work it to your advantage. If you go out with a guy a few times, and you're not digging him, end it. Stop trying to make every guy you meet a life long friend. No guy who dates you wants to be put into the friend zone, especially after he has dropped some coin. Trust me, if he is a decent guy, he has options. The other thing is, woman need to stop having such an inflated image of themselves, and what they deserve in man. Do you deserve someone who respects you? Yes! Someone who you have commonality with? Yes! But why do you deserve someone with a six figure salary? Do you have one? Why do you deserve someone with a six pack abdomen? Is your stomach flat? Why do you deserve someone who worships you? Do you worship God, are you willing to worship your man? Why do you deserve a man who wants children and a family? Are you ready to put yourself aside to help raise and nurture that family? Why do you deserve a guy with a sense of humor? Do you have one? Why do you deserve a guy who is well endowed and can tighten you up? Do you have firm breasts, a soft bottom, and are you a beast in the sheets? Why do you deserve a man with no drama? Have you gone psycho stalker/belligerent lover lately? In other words, expect from others only what you can provide yourself. Now no one is perfect, but when you do everything within your power to perfect yourself, you are more likely to attract a mate who can compliment your perfections with his/her own. If you acknowledge that you yourself are imperfect, yet want someone to accept your imperfections. Be more willing to accept the imperfections of others. Within reason of course.
that was great!!! I agree with what you are saying, but Im still not sure this answers the question at hand re: dating. Why is it such a bad thing if you are NOT manipulating and using people or sleeping around?I personally do not... think I am perfect, and have never dated anyone and expected them to be perfect. I think I attract really good guys and I recognize that any decent man has options and as stated earlier, I move on if I am not interested. I dont use people- not even a little bit. At this point, I just feel like when "the one" shows himself, that I will exercise good judgement and the discernment that I have been praying about and will move forward accordingly. (which means, withhim and him only)
communication is key. Unfulfilled expectations lead to disappointment. Sometimes you can be very clear about yo...ur intentions, but not communicating and updating your friend status, can cause someone to change their feelings. I'm sure everyone has had someone who you were just hanging out with, and they knew it, but "caught feelings" anyway. We are humans, we can't control our emotions. But we are responsible for our actions. At the end of the day, just like anything else you have wanted in your life, you have to be focused and pursue it. Pray on it, and wait for it. If your end goal is a relationship, you will never be able to truly know any of the guys because they all will serve different purposes in your life. One may be a little nicer, one a little smarter, one a little sexier, etc. You will find yourself comparing them, and ultimately deciding on one, based on the other two or three, as opposed to finding someone based solely on your personal interaction. Also, each of them may feel neglected. After all, there are only 24 hours in a day. That may cause them, and you to never truly connect. Keep in mind, the male to female ratio is crazy. The good male to female ratio is even crazier. It's like a jungle out here. If you are dating 3, they each are dating 6 - 9. If you are keeping him at arms length, it is likely there is someone else working harder to get him. Just like a job, if you treat your interview like oh well, I have options, someone else will get that job.
Nice. Never heard it put quite that way. But why I gotta be crazy? I want to make sure I'm not giving anyone the wrong impression though. I don't just date several guys for several months with no intentions of being with any. It's jus...t that when I go out with one a few times, If I don't feel anything, I don't know why I should focus my efforts on only them. I don't know that I compare one to the other. I am always looking for compatibility with me. And I'm not into games so there is never any drama.
Learn your true strength as a woman, and work it to your advantage. If you go out with a guy a few times, and you're not digging him, end it. Stop trying to make every guy you meet a life long friend. No guy who dates you wants to be put into the friend zone, especially after he has dropped some coin. Trust me, if he is a decent guy, he has options. The other thing is, woman need to stop having such an inflated image of themselves, and what they deserve in man. Do you deserve someone who respects you? Yes! Someone who you have commonality with? Yes! But why do you deserve someone with a six figure salary? Do you have one? Why do you deserve someone with a six pack abdomen? Is your stomach flat? Why do you deserve someone who worships you? Do you worship God, are you willing to worship your man? Why do you deserve a man who wants children and a family? Are you ready to put yourself aside to help raise and nurture that family? Why do you deserve a guy with a sense of humor? Do you have one? Why do you deserve a guy who is well endowed and can tighten you up? Do you have firm breasts, a soft bottom, and are you a beast in the sheets? Why do you deserve a man with no drama? Have you gone psycho stalker/belligerent lover lately? In other words, expect from others only what you can provide yourself. Now no one is perfect, but when you do everything within your power to perfect yourself, you are more likely to attract a mate who can compliment your perfections with his/her own. If you acknowledge that you yourself are imperfect, yet want someone to accept your imperfections. Be more willing to accept the imperfections of others. Within reason of course.
that was great!!! I agree with what you are saying, but Im still not sure this answers the question at hand re: dating. Why is it such a bad thing if you are NOT manipulating and using people or sleeping around?I personally do not... think I am perfect, and have never dated anyone and expected them to be perfect. I think I attract really good guys and I recognize that any decent man has options and as stated earlier, I move on if I am not interested. I dont use people- not even a little bit. At this point, I just feel like when "the one" shows himself, that I will exercise good judgement and the discernment that I have been praying about and will move forward accordingly. (which means, withhim and him only)
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