Bad Relationships

It amazes me that so much of what I hear and read about African-American dating is bad. Is it just me or is there a shortage of good dating experiences? Are we all just naturally inclined to share our bad stories more often than not, or are there really an overabundance of bad experiences?

Now I'm no expert in this area for sure, but speaking from personal experience, I can honestly say that I've never had a bad relationship with a Black woman. Never. And I've probably had about hmmm, lets see, seven or eight since I've been divorced.

Now that doesn’t mean that I won't eventually run into one, however I'm strongly inclined to believe I won't for two simple reasons. Once I determine that I'm attracted to a woman I, number one, ensure that she's well adjusted (reasonable and normal), and number two, I treat her like I want to be treated.

Let me be absolutely clear. This isn’t a perfect science. But I'm convinced that in general it's a formula for success in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. So is there any science to picking a normal mate? Or am I just lucky? Well, I'm not sure, but again in my experiences every Black woman I've dated has made sense to me, for the most part.

They have been great communicators, they've been respectful, passionate, giving, fun, reasonable, etc., etc. And on those occasions when they weren’t all these things, it didn’t really matter in the long run because their pattern of behavior far outweighed the exceptions.

Now I'm not sure if the following helps explain my good experiences or not, but after my divorce I read a few books that helped me understand what went wrong. The first was Woman Thou Art Loosed by T.D. Jakes. And the second was entitled “How to Romance a Woman the Way She Wants To Be Loved”. And without going into detail they both helped me tremendously. Mainly because they helped me see things from a woman's perspective.

I'm not gonna lie and say I perfected the contents of these two books but after having put into practice much of what I learned from them, I've experienced great successes. So at this point I'm convinced that with any normal woman, you'll get out of her what you put into her.

Over the years I developed a saying that I'd pass along to my married friends whenever they complained of problems at home and that is, if you water your garden the flowers will grow.

This means you have to thank your mate for their kindness. Compliment them for their beauty. Connect and engage with them when they talk, etc. And reciprocate as much as you can. It's simply the Golden Rule.

In conclusion, if you're anything like me you're wondering two things. One, am I willing to get re-married or am I a perpetual bachelor. God willing, Yes, I will re-marry when and if I meet Miss Right. I'm not anxious at this point nor can I predict when or if it'll happen so until then ...

And two, you may be wondering why, if I've had such great relationships, have I had so many. Well for a variety of reasons. A few ended because one of us relocated and a few ended because one or both of us came to the conclusion that we wanted something different for the rest of our lives.

In every case separating was not easy. There was either A LOT OF PAIN for me or my friend and sometimes both. But in each case, my disconnections occurred in such a way that I maintain a friendship with each of them, even my ex-wife.

So. There's one Black man with a string of good relationships with Black women and I'm certain there are others. If you've got some I'd like to hear about them. And now that I'm single once again (just like that, bam!) maybe you'd even like to experience a good relationship for yourself. Well, let me know, I'm looking. If it's mutual, and if you're normal (smile) it's on and popping!