Are Passion and Security Able to Coexist?

Are Passion and Security Able to Coexist?:

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Contributors Janelle and Melanie on the Dr Jesse Walker Show

Thank you so much for your support of the online radio show. We had a blast doing it and if you were able to tune in I hope you found it very insightful. If you didnt get to check it out live, here are the link to the three archive shows.

“Is It A Woman’s Perspective or Are Men Really Picky?"

Part 1: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drjessewalker/2011/12/14/tba

Part 2: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drjessewalker/2011/12/28/tba

Part 3: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drjessewalker/2012/01/11/tba

Also if you want to discuss relationships and are interested in providing solutions, please tune in to Dr Jesse Walker's show every Tuesday at 7pm. www.drjessewalker.com. or call 347 857 1769. Archive Shows are on the Broadcast Page. Follow him on Twitter @drjessewalker and Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dr-Jesse-Walker-Sr/100626023103?ref=ts&sk=wall#!/pages/Dr-Jesse-Walker-Sr/100626023103?sk=wall.

Dr Walker is offering Life Coaching. His Super Low Introductory price is of $19.95 (5 Ten Minute Sessions) Monthly for a limited time with no contractual obligation which means you can cancel at anytime. The Regular Fees are $50 initial and $75 per Session (50 Mins). If you are interested, please contact him at 305 625 5939 or 786 399 6111.

Thanks for your support of the Blog! Be sure to check us out on Twitter and Facebook.

Twitter: www.twitter.com/singlejlt

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pray-For-Me-Cause-Im-Single-Just-Like-That/180885418624979?ref=ts

Real Talk.. Single for the Holidays...

Real Talk... Single for the Holidays..

Have you been dating?
Are you seeing anyone?
When are you getting married?
Do you want children?

How many of you get these questions from your family members around the holidays or at anytime for that matter? I am fortunate to not have to endure this from my family. I do get it from the occasional acquaintance and well meaning friends. Although I sometimes daydream about what the holidays will be like once I am married with children, I am content knowing how fortunate I am to be able to spend the holidays with my family!

How do you feel during this time of the year? Is it more difficult to be single during the holidays? If so, what types of things do you do to make it easier?

Dr. Jesse Walker Show

Dr. Jesse Walker Show:

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Single Just Like That blog participants will be on an online radio relationship talk show on Dec 13, Dec 27 and Jan 10. We will be talking about relationships and the lack thereof.

Be sure to tune in and CALL in!

Upcoming Show December 13, 2011 - “Why Are Men So Picky?”

Featured Guests: Ms. Janelle Hazell & Ms. Melanie Brewster

The “Dr. Jesse Walker Show”

Listen LIVE via Internet www.drjessewalker.com or call (347) 857-1769 at 7PM est.

DON'T MISS IT!

Feel free to leave a comment if you have topics you would like to hear discussed.

Today's Strawberry Letter from the Steve Harvey show

Below is the strawberry letter on today's Steve Harvey show. I thought it was relevant for this blog since it is about a single woman. Shirley Strawberry and the guest hosts had good advice to her. Kirk Franklin was actually scheduled to call in to promote his new album and his show "Sunday's Best" however first addressed the letter and had very inspiring words for this lady. I really hope she gets the help that she needs from the Lord's stength supplemented by counseling as well. We all get frustrated (single, married, divorced) about our relationship status but have to remind ourselves not to let it get to bitterness and depression.


WHY ME?
I am a 36-year-old educated black female with a good job, no kids, and have never been married. I am very attractive, but I'm 5'7, 130 pounds, have chicken legs, no butt, and small breasts. I feel that men aren't attracted to me because of my size, and I am deeply bitter by the idea of not ever getting married or having kids. I have never been in a relationship and hate being alone. I have contemplated suicide more times than I can count. I have also given myself an ultimatum in which I will kill myself on my 40th birthday if I am still childless and not married by then.I quit going to church months ago because I don't understand how I can be happy when I feel the Lord has forgotten about me. I don't go out because of my insecurities, but I have been on numerous dating websites and even craigslist with no luck. I have also tried counseling, but I don't feel it is helpful since I still have to come home to an empty house. Please tell me what else I can do. I just want to be happy.
Sincerely,
Mad at the World

Kitchen Table Topic ~07/13/2011~ What effect is the black church having on black dating, relationships and families?

FEEL FREE TO ADD YOUR COMMENTS BELOW. IF YOU DONT HAVE A GOOGLE ACCOUNT TO SIGN IN WITH, PLEASE POST ANONYMOUSLY.

Here are some of the responses from yesterdays post on Facebook!

Its killing them!!! There's a reason why 90 ‎90% of the single people in church are women, 5% are ex-cons or former crackheads.. It kills me how a man and woman can get together and everything is going great then "Pastor" says something or she learns something in bible study and she tears the relationship to shreds because of it. Then wonders why she's single and can't keep a man.


I dont want to put words in your mouth, but are you saying that because spiritual leaders are preaching "Celibacy/Chastity" that it is ruining dating? If so, why must this be a part of dating? 


This is a good question and I've pondered it quite often considering all of the "plagues" and immoral activity circulating the globe. There is wisdom in religion and unfortunately not all churches are teaching the truth about the potential moral dangers of dating. I think that is one effect churches have on "dating". If the spiritual leader doesn't push chastity and protecting its "flock" from a scriptural standpoint, what does a parishioner see wrong with it? Especially if our society supports boyfriend/girlfriend relations. Everything we need to know has been written thousands of years ago, what we do with it falls under the "free will" category.


it sounds as if you are saying the preachers aren't preaching it enough.... We certainly do have an issue with how dating/courting is done these days and what comes of it. Is the church the only one to blame though?


Its not the chastity/celibacy piece. Most women say they aren't gonna have sex in the beginning unless that's all they are looking for. I'm saying church tells black women that they are supposed to love white Jesus more than all else. Then the meet this guy and they are comparing his every move against the bogus playbook she's been given by "Pastor". So things are going great but all of a sudden she finds out that they don't believe the same thing religiously (spiritually they are on the same page. notice I said RELIGIOUSLY) and because bible study misinterpeted the scripture "Do not become unevenly yoked" she kills the relationship.


Oh no, the church cannot be the only one to blame. However, the church leaders could do a better job about pinpointing and promoting the spiritual benefits of chastity especially when most people are programmed to follow a "self anointed and appointed" leader. We should never take the religious leaders words or ideologies over God's commands especially if they contradict one another. Hence why I wrote that there are many ancient text that cover protecting your mind, body, and soul against potential ruin. The message should really be pushed hard with the youth. Their world is completely scary.


. I kinda agree. I agree as far as the self-anointed leadership. I disagree that we need to live by "ancient text". What's truer about a matter what you read or what you feel. Surely, the creator still communicates with us and if you believe in Jesus then you believe that we don't need a intermediary. pray about the matter then trust what you feel. You don't need Eddie Long or Creflo Dollar telling you anything


Sorry if I failed to articulate "ancient text" clearly. What I mean is that wise and timeless commandments "love thy neighbor" or any other of the other various texts should be adhered to. They are a recipe for life that we've seen work for centuries.
Unfortunately, man has strayed far away from this wisdom and many have applied innovation to fit "the times". I do believe in Jesus, Noah, Lot, Moses, Adam, Abraham, Jonas, etc. too and I don't remember reading that any of them ever told us to worship them but always steered us to God. So, I believe we both agree with not needing intermediaries.
I also agree with you concerning the "equally yoked" and why should it matter if two people love each other but the flip side of that wreaks of wisdom especially since religious/spiritual beliefs are the core of most beings. It didn't matter to me or my husband when we got married but as time goes on in my 10 year marriage, it's starting to.


I hear you. I just think Too many black women jump at everything they "Pastor" says. well I've got a great DVD and book they should check out. Its called "the Black Man's Guide to the Black woman."

Chauvinistic Freak?

Ok so my date last Saturday night was cancelled the night before and thank God because I would have wasted my time.

I had met this guy 9 yrs my senior (I’m 33 and he’s 42- divorced no kids) a couple of wks ago and we’ve been talking but hadn’t gone out yet due to conflicts in our schedule. He seemed like a cool guy and a working professional such as myself. There were a 1-2 quirks that I wasn’t feeling at the beginning but I let them roll off my back since I haven’t really officially gone out with him yet. 1) he made a sexual innuendo/joke which I ignored but I let him know that I don’t partake in those conversations when I just meet someone. That’s not the foundation I am trying to set. 2) He did ask me to send him a pic via txt. 2strikes but no I said let me lighten up and still give this guy a chance especially if it happened once. If it happened consistently than it’d be a done deal.

Fast forward. We agreed to meet up in nyc. He recently relocated to the philly area a few mths ago and I live in central jersey. Anyway he calls me on Friday night to finalize plans and we get to talking about our day. We get to talking about something which I cannot remember right now but I had a friendly difference of opinion about it. He goes and asks out of the blue “why do you think you are single?” and that I need to “lighten up” Ok, 1) we were on a different topic than being single and 2) we had already had this conversation when we first met….so clearly he was being sarcastic and asking me a rhetorical question. So I proceeded to ask him to explain himself, why he thinks I need to lighten up on a few things. I admit that I can be a bit high strung at times but it has certainly diminished the last several yrs. He asks me why certain things push my buttons. Well I said it depends on what it is. If I feel strongly about certain things then I will defend them and he should respect that. Just like I would respect him, his personality, his opinion. I wouldn’t ask him why he thinks the way he does in a degrading tone. So anyway that must have been too much convo for him because he goes and says “maybe I’m a little moody because I’m hungry so I can’t have this conversation to eat. I am going to get something to eat and call you back. “ WHO SAYS that?
So we get off the phone annoyed with each other and I get a text from him saying that he doesn’t think we are compatible and that we probably shouldn’t go out. So I said I agree, Then I got to thinking and wanted to explain exactly why he thought we weren’t compatible in his own words. I thought “is it really me??? did I offend dude in some way? I need to know if I am giving the wrong vibe as well. WELL, I am glad I asked because he cleared it up real quick for me and I knew I wasn’t the one with the problem. This jerk says “a man likes a woman to be his best friend, not someone that always appear to be more intellectual or the smartest person in the room…indeed you are a career woman and I am sure you always have your A-game at work, which is fine because we do have to try much harder than white folks, but you should leave that at the door when you come home….” WTH????????????. Just like that?!!!! He had the audacity to say that? I was sooo shocked. So his insecure behind thought I was acting smarter than him? Why- because I disagreed with what he said? I was never rude about it either. Honestly I don’t think a guy has ever told me that before.
For the most part, our conversations were cool and he had a good sense of humor as well but I guess it was a different story when it was something that required thought and possible disagreement with his dumb self? Gee, you would think that I quoted philosophers when we spoke or was acting pompous but I’m far from that….So I tell him my response and here comes the finale: “there’s my point and you validated it again…you can have the last word….it doesn’t matter to me and then you don’t send out any pics, which is a turn off…call me a freak or whatever but I like to see my woman and often, particularly if she resides in another state…” WHAAAAT? Dude, I DON’T KNOW YOU FROM JACK to be sending pic texts….I AM NOT YOUR WOMAN either…I could have gone on and on but didn’t….the many words and tongue lashings that I wanted to give this dude but I didn’t waste my time and energy with his ignorant behind. I cannot believe he brought up my strike #2 above (picture txt)..LOL. He was acting so juvenile to be a supposed grown man. Evidently I AM smarter and I am not going to dummy myself down. Chauvinistic Insecure Freak! I am just glad that I didn’t go away thinking that it was me- NOT!....What an IDIOT!

Women's Wings

I was on a date with a nice guy. He decided that he wanted to take me out for dinner. It was winter, so the stroll to the restaurant from the parking lot was a brisk and long one. We started at a bar style restaurant; but it didn’t have good looking food or atmosphere, so we went to another place. By this time, I was pretty hungry. Usually I don’t eat too much during the weekend, so after freezing, walking, and starvation..I was TOO HUNGRY. We ordered a few items from the menu, deciding that we would just share everything once it came to the table. Our order consisted of salad, fries, chicken wings, flat bread pizza, spring rolls and of course drinks. I liked that he was willing to share the order and that we could sit, drink, EAT and talk without being too fancy. Just relax in a nice atmosphere. Like I said he was a nice guy, and I was comfortable and thought this may have some potential for another date. We talked and laughed and then the FOOD came to the table. We started eating and I went for a piece of chicken. I grabbed the drummete and just like that it seemed like everything in the restaurant stopped as he said, "You eat those? I thought those parts of the wings were for guys and the flat parts were for women?" I was baffled. Was he telling me that I am not supposed to eat a specific chicken part, because I am a woman? He couldn't be serious. I guess you learn something new everyday, because I had no idea that there is a certain "pecking" order for chicken? I will eat whatever piece of the chicken I damn well please. What a Mess !

Incredible Craps

I met this man while out with friends, he seemed to be the "life of the party" type. The guy who kind of knows a lot of people and really knows how to enjoy himself. He made me laugh a few times while on the dance floor, so he seemed cool. After the night was over, he came over to me and had a funny conversation while asking me for my number. I gave it to him and instantly from that day on we were seeing each other as much as possible. Going different places and enjoying long talks, and great laughs. He seemed like a very good guy and even a nice prospect. So after a few months, we decided to go to Atlantic City together. I was excited, because I was going on a fun trip with a guy I liked. A nice time was sure to be had. I have never been big on gambling. I mean, I will take ten whole dollars and be highly upset if the slot machine doesn't return it to me. But, we had a plan to go and work as a team and just have a great time. There are also many other things to do while in Atlantic City, so I figured I would fine. We set our plan on the ride, we would start by gambling with fifty dollars. We would then, take the money that we won over the fifty and cash it out. This way, we never lost more than we started with. Sounded simple to me. So, we were all set. We went to the first casino we saw, and started on the craps table. So a few rolls were played and next thing you know, chips and more chips. Chips and drinks accompanied by laughter and trash talking. Great time ! I took the chips to the window, and got the money and came back to the craps table. Had a few more drinks and I was feeling good. Then, all of a sudden I was confronted by a hand and a request. "Can you give me the money?" What was he talking about? He lost all the money? He wanted the winnings? We had a plan. Didn't we? Next thing I know, this man turns into a monster right before my eyes. If the incredible hulk really existed, I would have thought I was in his presence. He actually lost it. Just like that eyes bulging and forehead sweating. Demanding that I give him the money. Needless to say…that was OVER. What A Mess !

The Illegal

I was having a good time at a small club in the area, when this guy with sparkling eyes and a great smile approached me. When he opened his mouth to talk, I heard an accent over the music blaring in the place. An accent? I thought to myself. Hmmm…exotic. So, I spoke to him a little while longer and we ended up exchanging numbers that night. He was a nice guy and seemed decent. Further into our conversation, I found out he had a job *ahem*AND his own place *double ahem*. No red flags were raised, so I guess I could continue getting to know him. After a few calls and conversations, we decided to go out for a date. He suggested dancing and I thought that would be a nice time, so off we went to dance. I had a great time, dancing the night away. He wasn't someone I would regularly date, but I had fun! So, after more analysis, I thought again to myself, this may work out. If for nothing else, a few nights out for fun. A few more conversations later, we were talking more and more in depth. He told me about his life back in his home country. His siblings, mother, and his stories of childhood. Then, he decided to let me in on a little secret. He was just like that....in this country illegally. What?! This was a new one…No Thanks ! What A Mess !